thisadhdgirl

I am huge country fan so sometimes I have to relate my thoughts back to songs. My brother who is 3 years older than I am get’s out of prison in a few days. He is actually not that far from Folsom but at another high security prison that is 9 hours away. I plan on going to pick him up even though its quite a jaunt considering I have a wedding to go to this weekend. He has been gone for a year on a parole violation. Everyone thinks I am nuts for doing it.
I think if I had been gone from home for a year I would like to be picked up by a family member versus just being put on a bus/train home. When I was working in an area where I had to ride a train home I would see ex-convicts on the train and I would feel bad for them. They have paid their debt to society and deserve a little compassion.
This is not my brothers first pickup. He has been in and out since he was a teenager. He has missed some major life moments because he is in and out. I wish I could say that this was going to be his last trip like he promises every time he is about to get out, but it is very likely not. Even though I am his younger sister I always feel like I am taking care of him, almost having to take care of him. I feel bad for my parents they are getting older and can’t handle him so much. I don’t have space at my house currently to keep him here and keep him out of trouble. But really I know that he will get in trouble no matter where he is at unless he want to stay out of trouble. I have a plan to ship him out of state to get him out of here and get him work.
My only concern is that I know he has some of the same ADHD issues that I do. Which I would consider mine a little more managed but his are completely out of control which definitely affects his ability to hold down a job and be responsible. I am not using it as an excuse but looking back at the history of events and track record it totally makes sense.

Here’s to hoping he actually makes it out in the “real world” for more than a year.

I went to my first meeting a few weeks ago hosted through a Meetup group local to me. I didn’t know what to expect from the people there or what they expected from me. Although I know that ADD affects a lot of people from all different walks of life it was strange meeting everyone just because it was like seeing myself in a house of mirrors. I saw so many of my own personality traits reflecting but some were more pronounced than others. There was a husband there and he said “I could be married to all 10 of you and I wouldn’t know the difference.”

I wish I could say it was an informative trip, but really it was just comforting knowing I wasn’t the only one out there without all the answers. Some of my “quirks” I am realizing are more ADD related than me just being me. Who knew I couldn’t be the loudest mouth in the room? Or that I am not the only one that does abrupt interruptions?

Because we never update.

I read blogs almost everyday and I always wish I could be one of those people that can whip one out in less than 30 minutes but it doesn’t ever seem to happen since I start with one thing and end a few hours later in a different location.

An amazing thing has happened this month…. my bf of 4 years has proposed! There has been a lot of coverage on the whole event because the now Fiance used a company to help him plan the proposal. There was a Youtube video that I didn’t know was going to be on Youtube and then there was an article about the proposal in the local paper. You would think the world would be happy about 2 people that are in love are getting married. I was astounded by how many negative comments there were picking on us down to our physical appearance. How can there be so much negativity in this world? It is frustrating that people are hiding behind their computer screens thinking that they are anonymous and that we are so far removed that we must not be real people with real feelings. Words hurt. Even if they are from strangers.

Being diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago wasn’t a life changing event. It was more of a non-event. I was given a short written test and handed a prescription for Adderal and sent on my merry way. At the time I didn’t think anything about it. I was already taking a pill for depression and anxiety, so whats another pill?

At the time my life was so hectic which was bringing on new stresses and problems that I had never dealt with before. Hating a job I used to love. 6 hours of commute each day. Being alone at work most of the day when used to being around people and being social. Falling asleep at the wheel. Yes, really.

The first time I took Adderal (2mg), it felt like I was high. Was I supposed to feel this way? Isn’t this stuff addictive? Isn’t this just a clean version of crystal-meth that they sell on the street? Maybe this is wrong? Do I really have ADHD?

In true ADHD fashion I procrastinate what I don’t want to deal with and find hard. My previous excuses included being too busy, too stressed and overworked.

I don’t really have an excuse now why I shouldn’t be dealing with my ADHD. I know  it can’t be “dealt with” like you would deal with an infection, but it is containable and can be made easier. This blog is meant to help me journal my life and experiences dealing with ADHD and the issues that come with it. I know I am not the only one out there that is living with ADHD in their 20′s right?